Why are People Trapped in an Unhappy Relationship

Written by Pallavi VyasAugust 10, 2021

Why People are Trapped in an Unhappy Relationship

People are Trapped in an Unhappy Relationship

People are trapped in their own mindset and are sufferers of their own choices. Unhappy relationships create a great void in a person’s life, enticing them to leap into their fantasy world to make them illusionary escape from their problems leaving them more isolated, hurt, and in deep pain.

People say that they are unhappy in their relationships and still don’t leave. They don’t need consent to leave an unhappy relationship that ranges from empty to abusive. Still, what is it that keeps them going?

People are Trapped in an Unhappy Relationship

People are stuck in relationships for many reasons that are triggered due to their state of mind.

Unconscious fear of separation and loneliness
No choices to look forward
Caring for young children
Financial dependency
Comfortable lifestyle
Social pressures
Culture stigmatization of being divorced
Pressure of being a single parent
Self supporting life
Assets division
Fear of shame for leaving a failed marriage
Fear of their spouse may harm himself or herself
Lack of confidence

Triggers for an Unhappy Bonding

People trapped in an unhappy relationship will surely relate:

Unhappy couples married for many years, their identity and role may just be “provider” or “homemaker”. They will have many unresolved issues, persistent conflicts, and a pattern of low-grade hostility even when they are not fighting. They no more view the other person as a source of comfort, support, or partnership.

They stop treating each other like friends. They pull back often due to a fear of being rejected or attacked if they are so vulnerable.

Increased Conflicts Leads to Toxicity

When relationship conflict isn’t resolved and becomes increasingly toxic, people start to feel helpless. They feel emotionally drained, physically distanced, or abused, they experience low self-esteem, depression, insomnia, infidelity.

Men traditionally focus on work while disregarding their emotional needs and rely exclusively on their wives for just support. They tend to find solace in their casual flings outside marriage.

Women tend to find comfort and companion in a mature man who can give them time and support.

Both men and women fight their own battles of loneliness and isolation for their survival.

Identity Crisis

Some are trapped in the feeling of their own identity crisis. They fear loneliness. All the lives they lived as dependents. Before marriage, they were in complete support of their parents and when married they tied that dependency to their partner. They never completed the developmental milestone of becoming an autonomous adult.

They are silent sufferers, never emotionally secure. On one hand, they crave freedom and independence, on the other hand, they are looking for security and comfort with their partner. In this confused state of mind, they don’t find the balance and end up struggling with their own fears, experiencing anxiety and depression.

This lack of autonomy makes them unhappy in relationships and they become unreasonable in their expectations and they are the ones who for the fear of losing are the people-pleasers, sacrifice their needs and build resentment towards their partners.

Are You Having an Identity Crisis? | Psychology Today

Escapism Starts

When a victim partner doesn’t understand how to come out of this vicious circle of unresolved conflicts and can’t see a path forward and they know it’s not easy to divorce, they subconsciously drift into their hidden fears which lead them to escapism in the unknown territory of their own fears.

They tend to do certain things which they never believed in the real sphere of life. They start to live in their own fantasy world which gives them a temporary escape to fight their isolation, hurt, pain, and the momentary happiness to go back and face their challenging day-to-day environment.

Without even realizing the thin line between the fantasies and reality, this escapism gives them the dopamine to feel the pleasure and satisfaction of the missed life as part of the reward system.

This escapism world gives them relief from the anger and hopelessness that exists in their real world. But these little excitements and adventures outside their relationships are short-lived and when reality surfaces they need to face the brunt of reality and in the process, they go through a lot of turmoil and some learn the important lessons of life.

Preserve the facade of a happy marriage.

In this facade of marriage, to justify right and wrong is a difficult decision. To manage this facade at times one is a victim or both are victims of their trapped emotional void and a mindset.

Leaving a relationship is not an escape from your problems. Your problems are your inner limitations.

A Way Out…

You have to fix yourself. Work on your mental limitations. Freedom lies within, one needs to break those limits and fear and be boundless to experience true happiness. No one can make you happy and so no one is responsible for your unhappiness.

You are born complete and you need to be happy for who you are and live life making choices which you think can make you boundless and not just limiting again to another choice as an escape.

The Power Of Choices Defines Our Journey!

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