Self-awareness: Don’t Rely So Much On Your Partner

Self-awareness Quote: “I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”

We’re often told that “true love” entails surrendering our power to another person, but healthy relationships are more about exchange — rather than submission. 

Our romantic partners can make a huge difference when it comes to how we see ourselves and the world around us. 

Boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands and partners offer us everything from emotional support to companionship, but it is possible to rely on them too much for the things we should be providing for ourselves.

Though our partners can inspire us to do better, or help us recognize exciting new opportunities, the only person with true power over the quality of our lives is ourselves. 

Learning how to stand on your own means coming to understand the things you should and shouldn’t rely on your partner for.

If you want a relationship that lasts, learn how to stand on your own beside someone else; not kneeling at their feet.

Why we tend to over-rely.

A handing-over of power — more often than not — stems from feelings of low self-esteem. This inability to value and trust ourselves creates a negative cycle of need which can feed the disorders that cause us to constantly seek security in others.

It’s the result of emotional blackmail that teaches us that in order to have worth, we have to meet impossible and even deplorable expectations.

Over and over again, we ourselves in a submissive role, hoping to reduce the years of damage that’s been done. 

It’s not possible to be healed by someone else, though. You have to heal that broken child that lives inside you on your own.

That starts with recognizing when you have a problem with emotional dependence and it ends with taking the steps you need to correct this dependence and increase your confidence. 

Though giving someone else the reins of responsibility might feel like a relief, it’s only another diversion pulling us away from the future we deserve. 

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We have to recognize the signs of this type of submission and learn how to reclaim power over our own lives and happiness before it’s too late.

You’ve forgotten how to do things on your own

Spending too much time with your partner can lead to the belief that you’re unable to do things on your own.

Though it’s natural to want to spend a great deal of time with our partners and spouses, doing so can lead us to see their presence as a security blanket and also lead us to alienate ourselves from the people and things that give our lives meaning.

Getting happy means acknowledging that we don’t need our partner every second of the day, but that can be a hard realization to come to.

You’ve turned your partner into a caregiver

Over-relying on our partners is a toxic behavior and one that undermines the happiness and longevity of even the best-matched couple. 

Relationships should be about give-and-take, but often end up feeling more like a parent-child relationship when we shift too much of the responsibility for our happiness onto their shoulders. 

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Leaning too heavily on our partners and spouses without addressing our own needs and desires perpetuates a complete lack of fulfillment which haunts us and destroys our self-esteem.

Never surrender these five powerful aspects of joy to another person. They are yours and yours alone.

Identity

When we cross the bonding line and obsessively take on the traits or behaviors of the other person, letting their identity shape our own in a way that is unauthentic and degrading. 

Self-worth

Being in love is a huge boost to the ego, but when we begin to tie our self-worth to the admiration of another person, there’s a fine line for validation and losing our own powers. 

Intimate needs

Our intimate needs can be immense. These needs include intellectual needs as well as physical needs, and can stimulate us in a number of ways. When we shift the entire responsibility of our intimate needs onto our partners, it puts undue stress on them and can further alienate and drive a wedge into what was an otherwise-happy relationship. 

By learning what our truly intimate needs are (outside of sex) we can acutally begin to identify new pathways to meeting those needs while relieving the pressure that’s eating away at our happiness.

Decisions

No matter what anyone tells you, you should never rely on your partner to make decisions for you — especially the critical ones like childbearing, professional moves or even basic life-decisions like where to live and what to wear. 

While the advice of our partner’s can be invaluable, the only person who truly knows what is right for you is you. To give up your power to make decisions is to give up who you are and the control you have over your life.

Happiness

Modern society tells us that our happiness is dependent upon our ability to a) have a successful relationship and b) keep the other person in that relationship happy (before ourselves).

The problem with this, however, is that to make relationship success and to make others happy you need to find your reasons to be happy.

No one can make you happy or define your happiness but you, but that takes stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility for who you are and where you’re at in this current moment.

Putting it all together…

It’s easy to rely too much on our partners, but it’s not always as easy to break the habit. We lean on our partners, lovers and spouses for many things, but leaning too hard on them is a sure-fire way to find our relationships fraught and strained beneath the heavy weight of expectation and disappointment.

If you want to tap in to true and lasting happiness, you have to learn how to rely on yourself for the things that really matter.

Never rely on your partner for your happiness, your self-esteem, your important decisions, or your identity. 

Instead, drop that inner-critic and learn how to love yourself for who and what you are. Take responsibility for your own life, and spend time getting to know who you are and what you need in order to thrive. 

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Getting some time and distance is a great way to step back and reassess where we’re at, so that we can get a better look at the future we want to create. 

Create something that’s yours and yours alone, and get back in-sync with those secret strengths that make it possible for you to tackle anything. 

No one can save us but ourselves. Start relying on yourself, rather than others, and you’ll unlock the secret of lasting happiness. 

Only you have the power to change your life. Take that power and run with it right into the sunset.