Teenage Arrogance is a common part of teenage development.
Disrespectful or rude behavior in teenagers is something many parents face at some point. As a parent, we feel hurt, worried and unsure about the kind of response we receive from our child who used to value our interest or input, but now it seems that even the most simple conversations can turn into arguments.
Well this is not something new, and as teenagers we too have gone through these phase shaking our parents. But the good news is this phase will end soon.
Not all teenagers will be rude or disrespectful!
Not all teenagers will be rude or disrespectful, and seeing one’s own child being irrational and arrogant can be very disappointing for the parent to bar that grunt.
But we need to understand that teenage is a phenomena of self realization, growth and development of a child. Our child is learning to shift from complete dependence to a more self reliant, independent being.
Teenage is a time for Self Expression
This time is for them to express and test out their own independent ideas, which might not match our wisdom. Their self learning is a process and we need to trust them so that they develop their own wisdom for a better and confident individual tomorrow.
So it’s ok if there are disagreements. Developing independence is a key part of growing up.
Teenage is all about being moody, sensitive, loud attitudes, believing friends over family, arguments, new belief systems. Everything around a teenager is developing new horizons for them based on the environment, friends and the social world around them.
As parents we need to understand this change and support them with their individual space and yet without over pushing guiding them with right thoughts.
At times the changes that are happening internally as well as externally in the teenager world can affect their emotional center of the brain, and can sometimes lead to over-sensitivity, as well as changeable moods or attitudes.
This time of their life is to think in a deeper way than they did a few years earlier, and they can have thoughts and feelings they’ve never had before. It’s now that some young people seem to burst into the world with a contrary and radical view on everything. This shift to deeper thinking is a normal part of development.
Stay Connected to Your Child
Keeping into account all the grumpiness or irritability your child gets, still stay connected to your child. Don’t withdraw or stop communicating with them.
Teach them to have a healthy way of communication with you even if both sides have their share of disagreements. Be open and respectful to communicate with each other. Build communication to anticipate and participate. Your child needs expression not your judgments.
Listen to them patiently, acknowledge what they are expressing, don’t force your judgement or belief system. Rather always leave open end communication, expressing both sides’ views and then leaving it open to comprehend and assimilate what is right and wrong by one’s own logic and intellect.
This would build trust and help your child value communication with you and thus help you forge a healthy relationship which can give you an edge to manage your child better and imbibe the right thoughts and values without pushing too hard..
Important Things As Parents We Can Focus Upon:
- Instead of setting rules for them, practice the same virtues you want to preach them. Be respectful in communication with each other and not just limited to setting it for your teenager.
- Stay calm in your discussions. This is important if your child reacts with “attitude” to a discussion. Stop, take a deep breath, and continue calmly with what you wanted to say.
- Focus on the behaviour, not the person’s character. When you need to talk about some disrespectful behaviour, focus on the behaviour and how you feel about it. Avoid any comments about your child’s personality or character. Instead of saying, “You’re rude”, you could try saying something like, “I feel hurt when you speak like that to me”. It’s OK to occasionally say clearly how you’re feeling – “I am feeling furious with you just now. It’s hard to be spoken to like that. You would feel the same”.
- Be a role model. When you’re with your child, try to speak and act the way you want your child to speak and act towards you.
- Praise your teenager for positive communication. When you have a positive interaction, point this out to your child. This lets him/her know you’re aware of and value her opinions. This is the most they are struggling at this age to be valued.
- Use humour. At times breaking a serious conversation with a little humor can lighten the tone of a conversation. Being light-hearted can also help take the heat out of a situation – but avoid mocking, ridiculing or being sarcastic.
- Ignore your child’s shrugs, raised eyes and bored look if he’s generally behaving the way you’d like him to. Instead focus on things which brings that kind of reactions. As adults you surely can help them with better acceptance to things which are not in control and become more adaptive.
- As parents follow this as thumb rule with your difficult teenager-
- Never argue-this will never work
- Never bring up issues where you want them to change, when they are angry or upset
- During discussions, don’t get defensive or take things personally
- Don’t try to lecture them even though you have more life experience than your child, lecturing him/her about how to behave is likely to turn them off listening. If you want your child to listen to you, you might need to spend time actively listening to them.
- Nagging: this isn’t likely to have much effect. It might increase your frustration, and your child will probably just switch off.
- Sarcasm: this will almost certainly create resentment and increase the distance between you and your child.
- Lastly, If there is way too much mood swings, withdrawal from family or friends and usual activities, or poor school attendance.Then its alarming. You need to find out what’s the problem and consider seeking professional support – good people to start with include school counsellors, teachers and your family doctor.
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Very good information . Thanks pallavi .